Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to Star Being. I'm Tara, your guide, blending the wisdom of the stars, philosophy and soul centered conversation. Here we question, remember and reconnect with the stars, with self, with true being. I hope these conversations ignite within you resonance, awakening and a deeper knowing. Together, we open to more truth, more magic, more you.
Welcome back to Starbing. In this episode, we will be exploring a conversation that goes far beyond clothes. This is about style as soul work, fashion as dharma, and how the wardrobe you curate can become a compass for the woman you are becoming.
I know I've mentioned those that have been tuning into starbing before that my, my first love was philosophy, but it was actually fashion.
My grandmother made wedding dresses. And as a child I would sit there completely mesmerized, just like watching her turn this fabric into something outerworldly.
And that magic pulled me in. And eventually, between my university studies in marketing, I studied fashion.
And that was probably the hardest 3 year degree I ever did. There wasn't much sleep that happened in those three years.
But it's interesting because I can pattern make from scratch. I can sew.
And what I loved the most was creating couture pieces by hand. And so that to me is such an art form.
And in my journey after my studies, at one point I was even offered a scholarship at a fashion house in Berlin and I didn't take it. And honestly, at the time, I couldn't understand why. But I'm so glad because that decision is part of what led me to the work that I do today.
So this conversation with Shelley felt really fun for me.
Fashion is still something I love deeply, but I'm also very conscious in the way that I approach it. And we explore that in our conversation.
So in this conversation, I am joined by Shelly Carlson, LA's top transformational wardrobe stylist.
She has a unique perspective on how fashion feeling and your future self are intimately connected.
We dive into her journey of stepping into her business at 40 and explore whether style is innate or cultivated.
And uncover how every choice, from the colors you wear to the pieces you save for someday, can be a ritual of self expression and alignment.
In this episode, you'll discover how style is not just surface, but as a tool for embodiment, confidence and transformation.
So if you've ever felt that your clothes hold more meaning than just fabric, that they carry your story, your power, your presence, then this episode is for you.
So get ready to rethink your style. Not as decoration, but as a devotion.
This conversation with Shelly was a joy.
I hope it inspires you as much as it inspired me.
Welcome to Starving. Shelley. I am so happy to have you here. I was just saying to you, I feel like I already know you because I follow you on social media and that's how I came across you.
So I, yeah, I've been wanting to, to speak to you and talk to you about all things fashion and style and really soul work.
And so I would love if you could give us a little bit of an introduction to what you see as your, your Dharma or your, your purpose. And also how you got into this work. And what I think is also so expansive about knowing a little bit about your story is that you business when you were 40.
And so I would love you to speak into that as well.
[00:04:32] Speaker B: Absolutely. I'll give you. So I'll share the, the dharma part first. So I am in my human design, I'm a vessel of love. So this is exactly what I meant to do. I'm here to show women how to love their bodies and to feel safe in their bodies and express themselves through, through their wardrobe. It's my jean keys, like it all lines up that it's body love and self expression.
And that is my gift. So I was sent here to do this work. And so that's when I founded. You know, at 40, it all clicked because this is exactly what I'm sent here to do and to serve women in this way.
[00:05:15] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: And I'll. Do you want me to go back to my. The beginning?
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Yes, I would love to know.
[00:05:22] Speaker B: I grew up on a farm in Missouri and now I'm in big city la, living my dream life, but started out on a farm. I grew up non working farm. And I got the love of style from my mother. You know, she had an eye for it. She could sew, she would make handbags and create.
And she always helped me learn to express myself and she always gave me the opportunity to do that. And then I went on to study fashion in Missouri.
So I know it's shocking, but you know, it doesn't matter where you go to college. So I have a fashion degree from Central Missouri State and that right after that I moved to Chicago and I spent 21 years in Chicago. And 20 of those 21 years I had the opportunity of working for a lingerie brand and one of the largest in the world.
So that experience, you know, connecting the dots backwards, gave me so much knowledge and experience in working with female bodies and energy and really understanding what women were struggling with.
The. I had many roles within 20 years, but my favorite part was meeting women in the fitting room. They would walk in, they'd never met me before, they would instantly feel safe.
There's so much shame around the breasts.
All of my large busted women wanted to be smaller. All of my smaller ones wanted to be larger. So there's so much confusion and shame. You know, you're supposed, you know, don't show too much breasts, but then you're supposed to be sexy and show them. So there's so much confusion. And I feel women were just, you know, really struggling with feeling good in their bodies. And so what I would do is then help them balance their body with the right bra to make them feel more confident in their body. So instantly their posture would shift when I put them in the right size and the right fit. And I would see their clothes would fit better, they would look 10 pounds slimmer and 10 years younger and just have more vitality. Right. And what they would say to me in the fitting room was, what you just did for my bras, I want you to do for my whole wardrobe.
So I clicked and I knew I come from a family of entrepreneurs. I knew I would found my company at some point.
For almost five years. I remember talking about being a stylist and I, you know, started side hustling and built a website and then I had business cards. And when I would meet these women, I would offer, you know, in addition to what I just did for your bras, here's my real passion. I can come to your home and help edit your wardrobe and shop for you. So side hustling was, was a pretty big part of my life and doing the full time job and side hustling. I started making more money side hustling than I did in my job. I'll share. I think it's really powerful, powerful for me to share that. In those 20 years I, I made retail money. It was a low salary, it was nothing crazy. I had, I lived okay. You know, I got by.
But ultimately it, it kept me at a very low salary right where I could barely get by. Ish.
So with that, I knew I had more potential to earn more. But at the same time I was so attached to this work and I felt safe and I had the, you know, every two weeks of paycheck and I had benefits and I know a lot of listeners out there are in that 9 to 5 feeling that way right now and they know they have a bigger purpose and they know they have more to share.
I couldn't take my Instagram public because I was side hustling and not showing what I was really doing.
And so I just kept. The discomfort of playing small became too intense, and it was overwhelming that I knew I had to leave.
And that's when I founded my company. Two weeks before COVID hit with less than $10,000 to my name.
And I was single, so it was all me.
And I knew I'm. I dove in. I was like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna build this dream life that I want to. And now, three and a half, four. Four, almost four years later, I have done that. And I found it at the age of 40, which, you know, for a lot of women in their 20s and 30s, they all. You know, society is telling them they're late.
It's too late to do this. You know, we have that stress and anxiety constantly hovering over us, and it's never too late.
A lot of Women found at 40 and 50 on up, it's never too late to go after your dream.
So I did it, and we had mutual termination. I still wear that lingerie brand. I'm so grateful to them. We still partner on a lot of things, and, you know, it really. You know, every client I work with, we start with the foundation and get their bras fitting perfect before we build a look upon it. So it was the foundation of my, you know, ultimately how I built my brand.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: Such an expansive story, Shelly, from you doing that side hustle and, you know, putting that energy and effort into that and knowing that you were building your dream on the side, because I think there's so many people that are even hesitant to do that, but you doing that and that entrepreneurial spirit within you.
And I love how you can just see all the dots that have connected backwards to you, starting with the foundation of the. The underwear. I. I love this. And, yeah, I think there is something that happens, especially when a woman reaches the age of 40. I feel like it isn't spoken about. There's almost like this shift. It's like, okay, yep, I have learned what I need to learn now.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: It's time to. To take action and create.
Yeah, I. I felt that. And it was. You know, it was divine timing. And I know that it was ex. You know, my past was my past. I had a lot of.
You know, I work every day on, you know, I can share more about why. How I built my business so quickly as a stylist. I probably built one of. And I probably have one of the biggest, if not the biggest, biggest styling business in the country right now. And I built it in Less than four years. And what, what I can share with your audience is that the number one way I grew was by investing in myself.
My first year in 2021, I didn't count 2020, it was, you know, we were all locked up, it didn't really count. But in 2021, I invested $3,000 in my first coach.
And at that time $3,000 was two months rent. It was a lot of money for me, almost half of my savings. And I, I knew I needed to invest in someone and she was, she only worked with stylists and she helped stylists create a signature service.
And I just had this calling. I was, I felt I needed a signature service to then sell. And she ultimately changed my life and my business with this $3,000 investment.
So I went all in. In less than three months. We had my signature service up and running. It was all I was selling. And at that time, you know, my scarcity mindset was, you know, that's, I had low self worth in terms of like money. I had no idea what potential I had.
I would, I, you know, I started charging, I think at that point it was 2,500 for my package.
And now my services four years later, almost 15 times that.
And it's same, same foundation. I still use the three steps, but obviously my value, my, I've invested hundreds of thousands in myself in terms of coaching, masterminds, plant medicine retreats, all of it to then pour into my clients.
And that's where it changed the game for me. Like every investment I made, my next investment was a Mastermind. So in 2021, 2022, I joined a Mast with nine other women from all over the country who were female founders with businesses, you know, you want to put yourself in rooms with, with women doing bigger things than you. And that's what I did.
They had bigger businesses than me. I had potential. I knew I needed to be around them to understand where I, what, what was possible for me. Right? So that one, that investment was 20,000, 20,000 at that time. And so for me that was a huge number again back then. That was a massive amount of money for me. And I could have joined, done a payment plan. I chose to go all in at the beginning and by doing that, I told the universe, I, this is going to be a huge success for me. I am going to become the woman who could afford a twenty thousand dollar investment and I'm gonna make this a huge success for me. And I 10x'd $20,000 that year. So I had a Like a pretty big year for me based on my past income. I, you know, I started making, yeah, five times what I used to make that basically second year.
And then I kept making larger and larger investments in coaching teams, hiring full time employees, interns, and then building my business. It just started growing from there.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: Oh, thank you for giving that insight.
It's so great to know those.
And that's what I see from your social media. I see you really doing that work and also the networking, I take that away from watching what you do. I just see how you create connections and how you really like foster environment and community with women.
And you know, I'm over in Australia and I'm like, I want to go to these events.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: Come on over.
Yeah. And I think your, your network is basically your net worth. So I, I really focus on building that and I know that my business only grows through referrals typically.
So it's really about who I know. And you know, I know in the years coming forward that it's going to grow significantly because of all of the seeds I planted. Over the past three years I've been working really intentionally on expanding my network.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Thank you for banda in that way and letting us know.
I would like to go back a little bit and go back to your, your mum and seeing her style because I, I always wonder this because my mom was very, my, she was very stylish. You know how there's that innate style that people just have and they say you're born with it. And so I would love to know what is your perspective on that? Do you think you're born with a style or do you think it's like obviously a skill that you can learn?
What, what is your take on that now?
[00:17:07] Speaker B: I, I do believe that you're born with it. So I have a lot of clients, I'm on calls weekly who have discovery calls with me and I keep hearing over and over again, Shelly, this is so hard for me. They have so much shame around not being able to get dressed as a female.
They are really successful in their business, in their industry, but when it comes to getting dressed, they think, what is wrong with me? I'm a female, I should be able to get dressed, right? I should be able to shop on my own.
And what, what I tell them is like, you're, you're not born that way, right? It couldn't be. It can be taught and learned. It's a skill, it's a muscle that we build.
But the beauty of the women that I work with is their zone of genius is not style. Right. They are running big businesses, they're top lawyers, they're top executives. And the last thing they should be doing is online shopping or stressing about what to wear. And that's why they can outsource to media, social, you know, a stylist or someone. Who, who is that for their zone of genius. Right. And there is so much shame around being a female and not being able to get dressed. Yeah.
And I do believe, you know, I got it from my mother just being. She loved style, she loved clothes and fabrics. And I think it's also part of, again, my. I have a lot of, a lot of Venus in my chart, so I love beauty. You probably have a lot of Venus too. I love esthetics and I love my favorite places that, you know, touching fabrics. The fabric store when I was younger and like seeing things come to life. And so I, it is what I was born with. And most women are not born this way. And they feel that unfortunately a lot of women think that buying certain brands or designers labels, they think that's going to buy them style. And that's not the case.
And I love, you know, part of my messaging is, you know, it doesn't matter what label or brand you wear. It's the quality, the feel and how it energetically aligns with you.
That's what creates real style, not where you bought it or who you bought it from. Designer wise.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: Yes.
And yes. Yes. I, I love that take on, on, on style. Like, I think that's beautiful. And when it comes to that link, Shelley, between feeling and style, how.
How do you tell your clients? Like, do you. Do you say, you know, pick an outfit that is making you feel good and then style it or.
Yeah. How is that process?
[00:19:59] Speaker B: We usually start, you know, my process, I guess I could go deeper into how I work. So we start with the edit session. And so a lot of women are holding on. This is the number one problem. We're holding on to too many things. We're holding on to a closet full. Half of it should probably be perched. You're holding on to things that are from your past. They don't represent the woman you are today or the woman you're becoming.
And society has taught us, the Matrix has taught us. Matrix has taught us that more is better. So what we do is consume. We keep buying and buying, thinking we have. We're more abundant in our closet.
So you see women with like walls of shoes.
To me, that isn't abundance or they have, you know, 150 dresses or whatever it is. It's just quantity. It truly, you know, the fewer things you have and the more you know how to wear them. And if they fit your body really well, that, to me, is more abundant than having the quantity. So we've got to let go of. A lot of women are holding on to things that no longer fit them, you know, especially most of my clients and myself. I'm in my mid-40s. My clients are in this range on up. Our bodies are changing every day. Right. And so the problem is, a lot of my clients, I found, are holding on to sizes that were their past self. So they might have been a size 24 in their past, and now they're more of like a 6, 8.
So what do they do? Their closet is stuffed full of this energy of their past self. And every time they walk in the closet to get dressed, they're shameful because they can't fit into any of those. They. They don't fit them anymore. And so we've got to clear those out and let them go and move on and only buy things that fit your body right now.
You deserve, and you're worthy of feeling good, no matter your size or your age at this point.
So it's really. In a lot of women, this is deep work. When you're editing your closet. We don't. This is like, you know, shadow. It's shame around. We bought all these pieces, we no longer can fit in them. Or you bought something, the tags are still on it, you never wore it.
And there's this constant, you know, story of, you know, I'm defeated. I don't look good. I'm no longer that size. I'm. You know, we've got to move forward and focus on feeling good right now so that we can start to. Maybe we will lose weight once we wear things that feel good or, you know, we're just going to attract more of the things we want and feel better in our bodies. We. When we're not worried about the past. Right. We're moving forward.
So the closet is where it all begins. Style ends and begins in the closet and getting really real with yourself. And a lot of women don't want to do that.
They. They think, I'm just gonna keep shopping. I'm gonna just buy more things, keep adding it to my closet, you know, now and then it spills over into another closet. All of a sudden, you have two closets, and then you're like, I have so many clothes, but. But I have nothing to wear.
That's the most Common phrase is that I hear from women.
And so we have to let go of anything that no longer serves them or fits them or feels. If it's dated, if it's, you know, if they say, oh, it's going to come back in style in the future, let it go. If it does come back in the future, the designer will do it better and you could afford to buy it new.
Move on is what I how I recommend to my clients. We don't need to hold on to all of these things, hoping they're going to come back in style.
Okay, so the editing process is intense. Yeah.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: Yes. And that's where it comes back to. I've got good in my notes of style as soul work. And that's what I feel that you are doing on energetic level, like really peeling back these lights.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: We talk about childhood, so a lot of my clients are. It's very uncomfortable, but I talk about, I ask them, what did your mother teach you about getting dressed? You learned how to get dressed. You learned about self worth from your mother.
And my clients are still carrying the stories and the beliefs from what they learned from their mother.
For example, if your mother said, we can only buy sale clothes, we could only, you know, we have major scarcity.
We can't buy new clothes. Let's, you know, that was the story. It's still, I have clients that are, that could buy entire stores. They're very wealthy, but in their mind, they have this like, am I worthy of this? Still is.
Do I have the level of self worth to be able to wear these beautiful things and invest in them? And my job is to help them let go of those limiting beliefs that have been holding them back and running the show.
And I let them get clear on what's true for them right now. Like, what's authentic? Do you want a beautiful garment you deserve and you're worthy of purchasing beautiful pieces that fit your body and flatter you for your lifestyle? So there's a lot of, you know, it's mostly 70 mindset, the work I do with women, on unlocking what's true for them.
What, what is authentic for you. And the more you hone in on what's authentic to you and wear that, that's when true magnetism happens. That's when you see the women who walk in the room and literally necks are breaking and they're. And it's not because of her size. It's not because of the, how much she invested in that cloth, that wardrobe. It's because it truly is authentic to her. And people can feel that radiate, radiate out in her aura.
You know that girl you see and I mean too. Yeah.
[00:26:11] Speaker A: Yes. And so it's almost as though it's a, like a self discovery because they're getting more in touch with their body.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: What's true for them. Yep.
[00:26:22] Speaker A: Yeah. And so this, I can see how this is just such a deep like unfolding and I recently read this article and I'm sure you're across it. They did some research on women in the workplace. There was this correlation between effort in their, their appearance and their attractiveness and that link between how much they were making. And it said that the increase of, of just, you know, the effort that they put into their appearance was they ended up getting 20, something like 20% more in their earned income. And it wasn't how attractive they are, but it was just the effort that they were putting into their style.
And so we've actually got data.
[00:27:16] Speaker B: Evidence. Yes. And data around it. It's wild.
And I feel that so many. And it's. And it's not. I mean again, I don't make the rules, but the science style is strategy and that's what I coach my clients on. Like it. The clients I work with are making more money. My realtors clo like who are you going to list your home with? You're going to list your home with someone who walks in there and who, who's telling you like, I take care of myself and I'm going to take care of this home just like I take care of myself. You're going to list with that person. Right. Rather than someone who comes in looking like a hot mess.
And it, it truly no matter what industry and I feel every female right now is a personal brand. I don't care if you're running a bank or if you're a realtor, you are a personal brand. And ultimately like you said, the better you dress, the more money you're going to make and the more effort and energy you put into it. So it takes. Style takes effort and energy too.
And not just, you know, purchasing and purchasing. It takes so that self reflection and the deep work to really understand what you've been doing wrong so that you can then correct it and move forward and grow. And it's. We've all, I mean post Covid. You know, when I founded my company, we were locked up for years wearing sweatpants and it was perfect timing for me to launch this company where I created, you know, entire new capsule wardrobes for people because they literally came out of COVID And they looked in their closets and nothing felt like it reflected who they had become.
And so they wanted entire new wardrobes. And this is still the work I do today where it's, you know, my clients want everything upgraded and it, it's creating a new identity. So I work with women on, you know, oftentimes they come to me and they have an identity that has been running the show. Whether I have one client, she said her identity, she told me she's like, I'm the chubby girl that has no style. Like that was what she kept telling herself. And after working with me, she literally said, you've changed my life.
And now she, you know, walks into her law firm that she owns in her power in an outfit that shows everyone who she is and that she is there to run this business.
And you know, ultimately everyone under her is more productive when she rolls in. Setting the tone. So all of us women leaders, including myself, like my team for years now, I've set a standard where my team comes in at 9am dressed for our top client.
And typically it's just us together working from home as though we see our top client. That's how we get dressed every day. And it literally is, you know, basically neuroscience backed that I am more productive, I will make more money, I'll make better food choices, I will have a better day because I chose to put something on that makes me feel my best.
I could sit and put Lululemons on like most women that are working from home or put a blouse and like sweats on.
And it, it doesn't tell my brain that I'm here to work, I'm here to, you know, I mean business. And then at the end of the day there's, you can down regulate by shifting into your comfy cozies.
And then it tells your body, okay, now it's time to relax.
So this is science backed. It works. And so I coach my clients on every day, no matter who you're going to see, get dressed as though you know, you're gonna see your top client and watch how your world changes, because it will.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: I think it is so powerful, Shelley. And I think this is, I'm. I'm so glad that you're spreading this word because I feel like this is so, yes, so underrated. It is so powerful and magnetizing and like you say, it just changes, it ripples are. It changes like your frequency, your aura.
[00:31:34] Speaker B: So when you, I like to share that when you, when you meet someone, say even on the street or in public or even a date for the first time.
The way you have invested in your clothing and time and energy and the way you show up in that outfit, they are automatically before you open your mouth, they have judged you, they have felt your energy. They, they see you and they see what you're wearing. They're automatically deciding what, how you value your self worth based on what you're wearing. And for us women, we all struggle with self worth. Every client I've ever worked with, and it's work that I do every day on myself so that I can help serve women in this way, is, you know, when I walk in a room, like, I know I'm dressed my best. This is. And it tells people like she has high self worth and it teaches them how to treat you.
It's so powerful.
[00:32:39] Speaker A: It's so powerful because I remember watching one of your stories about your airport outfit, and that is something typically that we go to the airport in wearing, you know, the most comfortable thing.
And from your inspiration, I've started wearing like heels and a really nice outfit when I'm traveling now. And it has made such a difference to how I feel. But not even that, but I, it's the nuance of how them people treat you.
I notice a lot.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: I mean, people, you know, in line, they, people look at you, people want to communicate, connect. You know, you might meet your new best friend or you might meet your future partner at the airport. And this is true for anything, anywhere you're going in life. You never know. Like, I have my clients get dressed even if they're going to Starbucks or going anywhere. Like they are dressed as though they might meet their future partner in line at Starbucks. Like, you just never know. And it's sort of this.
We all have a choice every morning, and we just need to choose better and make it a daily habit. Once we start habit stacking, it becomes easier. It's sort of building that muscle, right? And it will get easier and you will, you will evolve and grow. But we've got to start somewhere. And it's just getting dressed every day. And I don't care if you wear the same outfit twice that week. You know, I'm the biggest proponent of outfit repeating. So many women are terrified to rewear things. And it's, it's so sad to me. I think the most stylish women in the world are outfit repeaters. They're consistently wearing the same outfits over and over again in different ways. And so you don't need to go out and have buy a whole New wardrobe. Just style some of your favorite pieces in different ways and wear them week after week. Nobody's looking and nobody's judging you, but they do notice how you feel energetically. And if you love that outfit, wear it. And anything you don't love and it doesn't fit, you get rid of it so that you're not tempted to put it on.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: Yes. And what is your philosophy behind that outfit? That is you, you love it and you're saving it for the.
[00:35:08] Speaker B: Oh, perfect.
Oh, I love this one. I, you know, that's sort of like the woman who's saying, you know, I'm gonna hire you, Shelly. When I lose that five to ten pounds, you know, it's like that day may never come and you're telling the universe I'm, I'm not worthy of that.
I feel like the outfits, I feel like women are less focused on that. They're really focused on shoes and handbags, too. I have a lot of women covet them and they, they put them up on a shelf and they won't use them because they're afraid to, you know, damage them. Right. And I, I get them out and I put them front and center and I say, we're going, we purchase these to use them. You're going to, I want you to use this every day. And we can always buy a new one if we need to when the time comes. Right. And with that outfit, just wear it. We can always, you know, whether we need to, you know, dry clean it, repair it, you know, buy something new, but just wear it. I mean, every day is that special occasion, in my opinion. So I say just go for it, Put it on and watch how people, if it's your favorite outfit or piece, watch how people respond because you're going to see, you're going to get so many compliments and people are just going to see you for who you really are.
Right?
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Yes. And that brings me into.
I wanted to ask you about using your style, using your outfits as a way of calling in your future self. So you must be there yet. But I see you use this as. I don't like the word manifesting, but like bringing in, like, about who she is. What is she wearing? She is, you know, like you said, she's wearing that handbag daily or she's wearing those shoes.
How do you see that as the greatest cosmic fast forward, I guess.
[00:37:18] Speaker B: It's huge. It's a, I call it a physical vision board.
And we're literally collapsing time for whatever you want to attract to come to You. And so we, I coach my clients on ultimately investing and making these decisions of what we are purchasing based based on their higher self. Like what would she invest in?
And this is what I do in almost every aspect of my life. From this house that I've, I manifested this house, it's my dream house.
I made this decision and investment based on my higher self.
I knew this was over twice the investment of my previous house. And I knew I had to become someone different to be able to afford this. And I knew this would be perfect for my business and I went ahead and made that scary. I mean I was, I, you know, I was uncomfortable for a few days before I signed the papers and I knew I had to up level to be able to support this. And that's exactly what I did. Same thing with the clothes. When you're making investments and women out there are thinking, okay, it's easy to just buy that. You know, I'm just using blazers, for example. You, you, you find say this dream blazer that you love and it's really expensive and you think about it, you dream about it and you decide, oh, I'm not worthy of that. I'm just going to buy the one at Zara for $150, right? And you're telling the universe like, this is all I'm worth, right?
But if you made a very good decision and you decided, I'm going to make that investment, and I know every dollar that I find that women are investing in their wardrobe, they get back 5 to 10x in their business and in their life. So then I'm not saying do this for every category and you know, get a ton of credit card debt. I'm saying do it strategically. But when you see things that you love, like when I shop and I see something, I often don't really even look at the price. Like I know if it energetically is for me and I'm very particular about what I bring into my closet and I want women to do that. I don't want them shopping on Amazon. I don't do that. And I think energetically that doesn't represent your higher self of like who you're becoming in terms of quality and energetics.
So when you do invest maybe in that bag or that dream shoe, you will get that cost per wear down. You will wear it over and over again and the cost goes down. Right? And so you don't need to buy multiple shoes. You just buy that one beautiful one and it becomes your signature shoe.
And that ultimately you're, you're dressing, you know, in the mornings when you get dressed, you know, you really want to think about, who am I becoming?
I think three to five years out when I'm styling my clients, where is she going?
What can she afford? Who is she?
And then when you put this outfit on, like, does that represent who you're becoming in the morning? And if it doesn't, let's figure out what we can let go of and then what we could call in to then give you that feeling.
Because once you get that feeling, it's all about the feeling. Once you have that feeling of being her, you're going to bring in the partner, the next level client. And for me, it was clients. I was constantly up, leveling my style and my energy for that dream client. Who would she want to work with?
How does she want me to show up? Like, that's who I look to as my, my expansion and my higher self thinks, okay, if I want to work with this level of client, I have to become a different person.
Right?
So I know I went off on lots of tangents, but the physical vision board of, you know, you're creating, you know, your, your dream life and my clients, I coach them on, you will be able to afford in the future, whatever you need, it's coming.
You can have whatever you want. And I have. I just coach them on that expansive mindset rather than let's. Oftentimes they're wanting to hold on to the old stuff because they don't feel they could get rid of it, because they don't feel that they could afford it in the future.
And that is. That's like holding. You know, I feel like with. Even investing money, it flows. You know, when you invest in big things, it comes back to you. And same thing with your wardrobe.
It all comes back to you.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: Yes. You're really getting to that core of that scarcity mindset and like, pushing into that abundance and that, yeah, it's not going to grow past you. You can get it again. Yeah, it's. And. And these are things, like, deeply embedded, not just in clothing, but in life.
[00:42:25] Speaker B: Right.
[00:42:25] Speaker A: It, like, what is.
[00:42:29] Speaker B: That car that, you know, when I invested in my first car here, like, I went and bought my dream car. I never bought a car in my life. And I was like, this is the only car for me. This is. This represents me and who I'm becoming.
And it's the best decision I've ever made in a car, and I will have this car for years. And I love it. So it's like thinking, okay, what's true for me and making that investment and knowing that the universe will support it.
[00:42:58] Speaker A: So glad you brought up cars, because I think this is so important. I love my cars and, you know, like, you can think of, like, all of this as being, you know, write it off as that superficial. But there is something. When you're in your favorite car and you're sitting in it, it changes the state that you're in.
[00:43:19] Speaker B: It shifts your frequency. I 100 agree. It's. It. It's in alignment. Like, my energy. It literally, when people meet me and they meet my car, they're like, you two are in.
[00:43:32] Speaker A: Makes sense.
Yes.
[00:43:33] Speaker B: Makes sense, right? I just. I can't wait till I find that with my life partner, because people will be like, it makes sense. So I'm still waiting on that one, but until then.
But the car thing, you get it.
It's everything in your, you know, everything has to feel like for me, it has to feel in alignment. And with the wardrobe, so many women are missing that, and it really matters. And it takes work. You know, it's not going to fall from the ceiling, and you're not going to get alignment by shopping more.
[00:44:07] Speaker A: And that's what I love with your. You know, the first point that you made, you're. You're talking about taking away rather than adding, and it's those small refinements that we can do. One of the things that I will say with my clients when we look at more of, like, the energetics and things like that, which sometimes doesn't even make sense, and I'm like, you just need to make sure your space is clear and clean. So, like, having your car, making sure that everything is removed from that, and just that simple task changes the energy of everything. So it's like these little tiny things that we overlook that make the biggest change in our energy.
[00:44:51] Speaker B: And I think the number, again, getting dressed, the first thing I think is movement. Like, moving my body is really important. And then the food I put in my body. And third is the clothing that I choose every morning to put on my body really affects my energy and my day.
And I think so many women are missing, you know, the wardrobe aspect of it.
You know, they're. They're working out, they're eating well. But then all this. And there are a lot of women, I find, are working so hard on their bodies and, you know, staying active and looking young, and then they go and they hide in, you know, whether it's the Lululemons and they look like every other woman on the street.
We've got to stop this. It's, you know, I mean, if you want to, you know, I. I'm all about just standing out in your own way. That feels true for you, and you can use style as a tool for that, and it's a strategy.
Yeah.
[00:45:48] Speaker A: And how do you feel, Shelly, when you're wearing something that is.
It's unique, you know, and there is going to be eyes on you because I think at a certain level, some women don't want to be seen. They do want to be seen, but they don't want to be seen. So by not wearing that bright red dress, there is that safety in that. Is there, you know, layers that you work through on that spectrum of, you know, it's okay to be seen and you wear something.
[00:46:27] Speaker B: I think this is a deep wound in the feminine, and I think we've all, you know, we all want to be liked by the tribe, and so we all want to kind of. Of look like one another and play it safe. And the work I do with a lot of my clients that want to be more visible is our first season. I meet them where they're at, and I understand what.
How far I can push their edges. I like to find the edges, and I like to source things that are going to help them express themselves but still feel safe and comfortable.
And then a season after season, we just keep pushing those edges. And then I see two years later or a year later, they are showing up confidently and owning their power, and they. They're showing up on Instagram more frequently, they're doing photo shoots more frequently, stories more frequently, and they're using their voice, and it's because we. We. I can't push them, you know, as far as I would like on the first, you know, session and working together. But we. We build trust, and then I can find those edges. But I feel like it's so many women are afraid to, you know, you will be judged. You know, I am, like, when I walk in a room, typically I look different than anyone else.
And I. The. I've worked so hard on this and that I know I'm safe in my body and I feel great.
And I think I'm such in my power that people, you know, no one ever comes at me. Of course, they may look and I think they're intrigued, but I just, like, command that, respect that. Like, I know I look good, but it's taken me, you know, 46, 45 years to get to this place of, you know, especially with men. I work with a lot of females who are like, oh, you know, I want to dress for this guy, I have a date with him. Or, you know, I'm like, you need to get dressed for you.
It doesn't. No matter what occasion, where you're going, when you get dressed for you, that's when people will notice you. That's when dress like everybody else.
We want to fit in so badly. And I want women to stand out in a way that is safe for them so that they can show really who they are through their style. And it's every day it's a gift to be able to express yourself with clothing and wear things that you love. Right. But it is scary and being judged, you know, I know every day I'm judged and I just know I have my. Why is so important? I have so many women to help and my job is to set them free to wear what feels good for them, not wear what, you know, their industry or, you know, men or society has told us we need to wear.
So I'm, I'm here to disrupt, you know, those rules and break them.
[00:49:31] Speaker A: Yes, yes. That's what I see from you and your content. Yes, very much living into that. And yeah, breaking the, the breaking all the rules.
[00:49:40] Speaker B: And like age, that's another one. Age is a big one. A lot, a lot of my clients want, you know, they don't want to look too young. They, they're worried. And I, you know, I don't even ask my clients what their ages are. I don't care. I care about their vitality, their energy. That's what I dress them for. I just had a 68 year old client who has such young, beautiful energy.
That's what I dressed her for. So that she can express who she is through her style. Never does she have to worry about, oh, I'm 68 now, I have to hide my body, I have to wear this because that's what society thinks. No, I think those rules are done and that's dead. The ageism, you know, is, it's dated, it's dead. And now with right now in the market, you could wear, women can wear anything they want at any age.
It's just really dressing your body so you feel good and no one's going to know how old you are. And the thing is no one cares. That's the. And if someone cares, that's their problem. I've never looked at another woman and thought, why is she wearing that at that age? Like I am celebrating her, I'm honoring her and I, you know, she is going before me and that's how I want all of us to look at aging. We're all. We're all doing it, so let's just have fun with it at least.
Right.
[00:51:10] Speaker A: That is so empowering. I. I have to say, as well, Shelly, I've never looked at another woman and gone, what is she?
Yeah.
[00:51:21] Speaker B: A lot of women who. Maybe they don't. And I think it's obviously a reflection of what, you know, their own shadows and wounds that they're struggling with of, like. Like, who does she think she is? But they actually want to be her.
[00:51:36] Speaker A: Yes.
That's something where you can look at it and go, love that for her. Want that for me, you know, thinking, yes.
[00:51:46] Speaker B: And then it will potentially come to her. Yeah.
[00:51:49] Speaker A: Yes. I would love to talk a little bit about your style, Shelley, and how you've developed it over the years.
And I notice, you know, you have, you know, your necklaces that, you know, I relate to you, and it brings that.
That comfort or that consistency.
So could you talk about what you build, like, these visual anchors that you have known to do over the years and how your. Your style has really evolved?
[00:52:22] Speaker B: Love that visual anchor.
That's such a beautiful phrase.
And I mean, every woman should have visual anchors.
And you're, you know, the work is finding what those are for you. So for me, personally, I've always loved, you know, edgy.
I like the duality of, like, edgy and feminine. So I love to play with, you know, the sexy, feminine, like, lace and florals and that sort of edge, and then having, like, the darker, more masculine, too. Like, I love combat boots. I love tall boots.
The duality. I love, like, metals, like, mixing metals. And I think that's a little bit on the masculine. And so it's like having that duality of. And I think it creates an interesting look and playing with a lot of texture. I love textures. I've always been drawn to textures and fabrics. So I feel that by bringing those elements in, it's a very Shelly look. Right. And I also try and wear things that not everyone else would wear.
[00:53:27] Speaker A: Right.
[00:53:29] Speaker B: So that I stand out, and I have a unique look.
[00:53:33] Speaker A: Yes, Yes. I love that.
Is there one thing in your wardrobe right now where it just makes you feel absolutely, like, on top of the world? Is it a boot?
[00:53:49] Speaker B: A boot? I love. I love a boot. I love. I've got. Whether it's a cowboy boot or I have my tall, black boots, I recently got a suede boot that has fringe on the side. So I love Western.
You know, I'm a Farm girl. And I love this western trend. So I'm really going to be leaning into that in the next season of, like, my roots and the western side of me. And then I'm really into, like, oversized blazers with. With, you know, the duality of, like a lace skirt, like sheer everything, sheer texture.
I think sheer and lace are having a big moment this upcoming fall winter.
So there's going to be a lot of, like, pantless looks. Right. Shorts. I love all of that, and I love having fun with it because not everyone else. Like, I wore it like I'm going to New York in a few weeks. And last year I wore an oversized blazer with a lace skirt. And now you see it everywhere.
Less like a year later. It's all over the place. So I'm a little. I'm usually like ahead.
A year ahead of what's coming as, like, the trend. Right.
So I. I try and just pave my own lane and wear what feels good for me. Like, I don't really care what's. What's trending.
I tend to just buy what feels good for me.
[00:55:11] Speaker A: Yes.
If someone's listening right now, Shelly, and they're wanting to, you know, do the audit of their wardrobe and find their style and they're wanting to invest, where would you typically say for a woman to invest? Would you say it is in the blazer or it's in the shoe or in the handbag? What is something that you would see as a.
An indicator that someone's really paying attention to their personal style?
[00:55:46] Speaker B: I would first invest in tailoring. So I think women editing the closet, letting go of anything that doesn't work. Next up. There are many items in your closet that are just a little off.
You know, you love the piece, but maybe the waist needs to be taken in. Maybe you need a hem it.
Go ahead, try these pieces on. You know, if it needs tailoring, you could make the garment breathe life into it, make it look brand new by going in, having it tailored to your body.
That is my number one thing to invest in. You don't. A lot of women don't even need to go shopping. Let's just tailor what you own and then style it. And then if we are going to do other investments. Yes. Like blazers are, you know, for fall, winter, having a beautiful quality blazer and then boots, it. They just last for years.
And, you know, your size doesn't change. They're great. And bags, you know, I'm a big investor in bag, but I don't invest in quality quantity. I Only own, like, five good bags. That's all I need. And, ladies, start with just one good bag and wear it every day.
No one's gonna notice. Like, find one that feels really good for you and invest in it, knowing that every day you're touching it. It's. I call them babies. Like, it's your baby. Every day you're with that bag. So invest in something that reflects who you are. Similar to the car. Like when I. When I choose a bag. Like, I know this bag represents me, and I'm obsessed with it, and that's when I invest in it. I don't have 25 bags that are designer.
It's just less is more. So designer bags, good shoes that are comfortable. And I want women to focus on comfort with the shoes. There's no need to sacrifice style and comfort these days. You can have both. So find that shoe you're obsessed with. It fits you well. You can walk in it and, you know, it's. You're going to be able to style it with so many different things.
So I would start with those and jeans. Like, getting really good quality jeans that fit you.
You know, that's a huge one. So get a few pairs of denim that feel good for you.
Investing in those and then just finding what speaks to you and just, you know, making that investment. But knowing that less is more.
[00:58:10] Speaker A: I love that it's tailoring for you.
[00:58:13] Speaker B: Because that is such a.
[00:58:16] Speaker A: It's such, like a lost art. Like, hopefully we can.
You can bring about.
[00:58:22] Speaker B: Yeah. On every appointment, we. We bring in a tailor at the end of the appointment. She marks every garment that needs tailoring for our clients, and she handles it. So it's so important. And you could go to. You don't need to hire the top tailor in your city. You can go to a dry cleaner. A lot of these alterations are so simple, so easy. For $20, you can hem that pant and bring in the straps or lift shoulders, whatever needs to be done.
[00:58:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:58:52] Speaker B: They can guide you. They're professionals. Right.
[00:58:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I feel like that has spoken a lot about menswear, and that's the. The difference I notice in, you know, men's outfits and their. Their quality in their suits is that tailoring. So, Yeah, I love that you've. You've brought that in as well.
Do you have any other personal styling tips that can really elevate?
[00:59:23] Speaker B: Oh, yes. I have one big one.
[00:59:25] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:59:26] Speaker B: Stop washing your clothes.
[00:59:28] Speaker A: Oh, yes. I have seen you talk about this.
[00:59:32] Speaker B: Talking about this. Yes.
[00:59:33] Speaker A: Yes. And I think this is fascinating.
[00:59:37] Speaker B: It's huge.
[00:59:39] Speaker A: It comes back to.
Yeah, please, please tell us, educate us on.
[00:59:47] Speaker B: It's ultimately.
It's ultimately coming down to the fabrics, right? So when you put any garment, say that blouse you're wearing, if you put it in the wash, what happens is it. The wash just ruins the fabrics and the fibers. It's never going to come out feeling or looking the same as it did when you first bought it.
So I don't put any of my beautiful good garments in the wash because it destroys them.
I only. I wear them over and over again. And then if I stain it, I spot treat it and then if I know it needs it's. It's feeling really just worn and gross, then I'll dry clean it.
I do this with everything from jeans, jean jackets, all jackets, blazers, blouses, everything. I put nothing in the wash and my clothes look like new because I care for them.
[01:00:45] Speaker A: I think this is such an underrated.
[01:00:48] Speaker B: It's gonna change. I guarantee, ladies, it's gonna change the game. Stop washing your clothes. You can wash your athleisure and your underwear. That's it. Yeah. Watch how it changes.
[01:00:58] Speaker A: Well, it's really interesting. Back in my uni days, I used to work for a retailer and we used to sell quite expensive jeans. And what they would tell us to say to our clients, I don't even know if there's science behind this, but they would tell us to tell our clients to not wash the jeans, but freeze them.
And then that deodorizes them clean. And you.
Because every time you wash the Jane, you're. Yeah. Changing the look, the fit. And so it reminds me of that. And I'm like.
[01:01:37] Speaker B: I, ladies, trust me, you will. You will understand why after doing this and you're doing less laundry, it's less. It's just less work. Trust me.
And again, you're not dry cleaning after every use, ladies. It's. You want to wear something over and over again until it's stained really dirty, then you dry clean it.
[01:01:58] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. So good. Taylor, good dry cleaner.
A green one if you can.
Yes. I love all. I feel like you've given us so many gems, Shelly. Thank you so much.
Is there anything else that you wanted to touch on that we haven't touched on? And I would love it if you could speak into your offerings right now.
[01:02:28] Speaker B: So thank you. I.
I'm just. You got. You can find me on the Instagram. That's where I hang out at Shelly Carlson. And I do only two services. Well, one. One on one service. That's my. You know, my signature service, the Method, and I work with women all over the world for that. And then I also have a membership, so anyone, no matter where you're at in the world, can join that membership. But it's. I think it's 1111 for the full year. 1111 for the full year. And so I deliver style boards, inspiration and guide you every month on a style journey.
So that is the only ways to work with me. And then, of course, on Instagram, that's where I'm giving all my value and I'm sharing and connecting with the audience.
So I would love for people to follow me there.
[01:03:15] Speaker A: Yes, definitely.
[01:03:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:03:18] Speaker A: Yeah, you definitely need to follow. Shelly, I absolutely love following your account because it just is this reminder to, you know, have that devotion in what you're wearing. And, yeah, you. You're always, you know, really you walking your talk. Do you know what I mean?
[01:03:38] Speaker B: So, yes, received.
[01:03:41] Speaker A: Thank you. Yes. Oh, thank you so much, Shelly. It's actually been such a joy to speak to you.
[01:03:50] Speaker B: Likewise. It was a beautiful conversation. Thank you.
[01:03:55] Speaker A: Thanks for tuning in to Star Being. May the wisdom shared resonate in your soul. Until next time, stay connected and keep reaching for the stars. This is Star Being signing off.
