THE HIDDEN COST OF WAITING | Lessons in Courage and Alignment

[00:00:03] Welcome to Star Being. I'm Tara, your guide. Blending the wisdom of the stars, philosophy and soul centered conversation. Here we question, remember and reconnect with the stars, with self, with true being. I hope these conversations ignite within you resonance, awakening and a deeper knowing. Together we open to more truth, more magic, more you. [00:00:26] Welcome to Starving. Thank you for joining me. This is episode 40 and it is the hidden cost of waiting lessons in courage and alignment. [00:00:39] This is something that has come up for me that I wanted to deeply go into. Before I do I happy calendar New Year because I'm saying calendar New Year because it's not Vedic New Year until 19th March 2026. And so that is the astronomical New Year. So when I say calendar I am referring to the made up Gregorian calendar. [00:01:12] And so with that I am sort of ramping up for that I am about to release to my monthly membership. She is cosmic. The calendar which I do from March 2026 to March 2027 with all the astronomical dates and astrological obviously because they're integrated and that I am also going to this year speak into the energy. I do that for my membership. [00:01:54] But you'll be able to purchase the calendar separately and get access to that presentation that I do because this year I've just been. [00:02:09] This next Vedic New Year I've been spending a lot of time of the festive season deeply diving into and I'm excited about it. And I know that my close circle gets excited when I'm excited as a from a Vedic point of view. So I do want to share that with you also I have a few other things that I am working on I am going to be launching and I've been teasing this for a while my own book club. If you have been following me, you know that I love my non fiction. I get a lot of pushback from this actually about how I should be including fiction. But I just. There's just not enough time to read all the non fiction and I want to learn. So let me have this. [00:03:09] I have entitled the book club Lumen. [00:03:14] And I decided on this because it actually means light illumination, the capacity to see clearly. And so in this book club it's for women and it's more about empowerment, philosophy, mystics, you know and the light being I'm referring to as light as knowledge, light as discernment, light as the force that reveals truth from illusion. So this is why I have wanted to create Lumen. [00:03:50] It is going to be quite structured, quite disciplined. [00:03:55] And so if you're serious about having like Philosophical discussions. [00:04:02] You really want to be in a intimate community where we can discuss. And what I love about reading is underlining the books, integrating it, embodying it, thinking about it, and so doing that with a group. [00:04:20] Look, I know that my audience is global, but I would. [00:04:27] I would love to do this in person, but for now it's going to be. [00:04:33] Maybe it will be in person in the future, but for now it's going to be online. So if you're interested in that, I have a list at the moment, so send me a direct message on Instagram. [00:04:47] And the other thing that I just want to quickly mention is that I have just launched something that I have been deliberating on for. For the past year. It's called a casa collective and it has two parts to it. I have launched the first part and this is the visionary part. [00:05:09] And so if you've been following me for a while, you know that I'm a reformed marketer. I spent the majority of my life in publishing, marketing, fashion, media, all of it. [00:05:21] And this is an extension of that, a heart of that, an eye of that, and so doing creative direction for brand identities, but of course, doing it in a way that is in alignment to your soul. And so what is really on my heart is that I come across so many incredible practitioners, healers, women with such a big mission, and they are not illuminated. And so this is where a cause has come from. A cause actually mean it's a means ether and space, but it also means to shine awareness. And that is the whole premise behind this creation is shining awareness on, yeah, these, these healers and, you know, people that the world needs to know about. [00:06:27] And so I just wanted to say that and stay tuned for the second part of that being launched soon, which I will talk more about. Okay. That is what has been happening for me. As you can see, there has been lots that has sort of been in the ethers for me. And it's just really landing now. And it's interesting, of course, the divine timing in, you know, practicing what I preach. [00:06:54] The last year, I have been in my Saturn, Saturn Dasha. And if you're familiar with that, it means that the Dasha is a planetary period. So Saturn being a time where we're prescribed rest, where there's delays, obstacles, there's like spiritual attunement. And all of that was very true for me. [00:07:16] And this last year that I have really navigated has been very challenging. And I have spoken openly about that in terms of, like, my spiritual faith and what it has really taught me, showing me, as Saturn's beautiful lessons do, is just how much more faith that I have. Like, my faith was pretty rock solid in the divine before, but I feel that it is absolutely unshakable. [00:07:56] And so with that, why I'm saying that is I have just moved into another dasha period, Mercury, which is all about multiple ventures. And of course, I've been trying to, like, land this, these business ideas the last year, and it has only been since my dasha change that it has been easeful. And as a Vedic astrologer, it just, I. I just. It's always fascinating to me that I, I just cannot, you know, you just cannot go against the. [00:08:41] The divine nature. And, and I'll try. And then I just laugh at myself and think, well, I could have just rested more. [00:08:51] So do what I say, not what I do, pretty much. [00:08:59] So, okay, coming into what I want to speak to you today about. [00:09:06] So in December, I was having a conversation with my mentor about planning. And, you know, at the end of the year, there's that collective consciousness, even though I've mentioned that I work with the Vedic calendar, there's that collective consciousness of thinking about what worked, what didn't. And so we were having a conversation around that and looking at the upcoming year. And what we came across was a limitation that I, I had. [00:09:42] And she asked me where it came from. And usually when I get intuition, divine guidance, it, like, drops in visually for me. Like, it drops into, like, my mind's eye. And it was really interesting what I was showing. I was showing myself as a young child and also my husband as a child, which I didn't know, my husband as a child. [00:10:13] And there's a. There's an age gap between us, but somehow we were the same age because, you know, this is just a vision. And we were sitting in the marshmallow test. [00:10:27] And the marshmallow test, if you don't know, was created by this psychologist, Walter Mischel. And he studied how children responded to delayed gratification. [00:10:42] And so a child was given a choice. You can eat one marshmallow now or you can wait a short time and you can receive two. [00:10:52] And the research showed that children who could wait often did better later in life in terms of areas like focus, self control, achievement. There's also been these, you know, because they followed these children throughout their life, that they were, you know, more successful in all the metrics. [00:11:15] And so that is the context of this, what I was shown. And so in my vision, I was the child who waited. [00:11:28] And I felt that in my body I was very careful. And I'm, I'm viewing this as like a third person, like seeing myself. And I was restrained and I was doing everything right. I was expecting the reward, I was waiting for approval. And there was also this permission, like this people pleasing aspect that I could feel from that vision. [00:11:54] And then I saw my husband and of course he reached for the marshmallow immediately, like unapologetic, just like trusting, fully embodied, just as, just like why? [00:12:08] Yeah, I could see like why, why would I wait? [00:12:13] And it just brought up so much for me. I just, I was thinking because my husband lives at a different cadence to me. He lives a very different life. And what had been coming up for me and why I was showing this vision is because I was showing the duality of those two. [00:12:35] And what I got from that is that vision really illuminated for me on that greater context, thinking about why do some of us wait while others can just freely move in alignment with their life force. [00:12:57] And so this is what I wanted to explore with you. And I want to talk about the psychology of it, I want to talk about a Vedic lens of it and even, you know, touching on the philosophy as well in really how we can reclaim the freedom of the soul. Because what I saw and what I felt in my body viscerally when I, when I saw that was the cost of waiting. And I think the limitations of this experiment, what it didn't show is that I don't now like actually living and breathing this vision that waiting was the right thing to do. And this might be controversial, but I want to unpack it with you. And I do want to say that I did mention this to my husband and that I saw him take the marshmallow straight away and he was like, yeah, of course, of course. So just in case you're wondering, so when we look deeper at this test, the studies showed that this is to do with patience. But, and, and how we relate to life, our mind, our body. [00:14:23] But what is really interesting, I feel that the child who waits is doing it out of fear, fear of scarcity, fear of doing something wrong, fear of disapproval. [00:14:39] And psychologically, I feel like this builds a habit of holding back in terms of restrained desires, delaying action, overthinking our choices. [00:14:53] And when I'm thinking about this philosophically, it also reflects that tendency to rely on rules that cause and effect thinking if I do that, I will get this and that deferring reward rather than trusting. And so this, what came up for me was about trust and also is about Is the cost worth worth it? Is the cost of waiting worth the reward? [00:15:24] This is what I want to explore. [00:15:27] And so when we look at Vedic philosophy, there is kind of this tension between the ego, the ego who waits for permission or that validation, and then there's the true self. So the true self is naturally expressing itself without that fear, without that hesitation. [00:15:48] And so for me, the child who reaches immediately is now looking at it through this lens. [00:15:57] It has this essence of being, of like acting freely, being aligned with their inner truth and being unbound by conditions, because that's how I view this now. I feel that the child who is not taking the marshmallow is kind of bound. Not always, but this is what I felt. [00:16:17] And so this is why I don't think it's about patience, but coming back to this trust. [00:16:24] And philosophically, I feel it reflects this belief in a deferred life and that fulfillment is existing somewhere in the future. It's this, it's about endurance or approval or. [00:16:45] Yeah, coming back to like doing the right thing. [00:16:48] And on that philosophical lens, when we look at the Stoics, Epictetus said he, he has a quote that while we wait for life, life passes. And then Marcus Aurelius also, you know, on the same sentiment as he said, you could leave life right now, let that determine what you do and say and think. [00:17:22] And so thinking about this Stoic path, that Stoic path isn't waiting. [00:17:32] It's more to do with right action aligned with virtue, rather than the outcome. [00:17:39] And so what I'm trying to say is tapping back into that soul rather than the virtue of, you know, doing the right thing. [00:17:50] Yeah, and, and having that clouded. [00:17:53] And so what this raised for me is this question, are we living from fear and habit or from soul aligned freedom? [00:18:04] Are we constantly waiting for the right moment or approval? Or are we stepping into life fully and trusting our instinc. Trusting our inner wisdom? And so this marshmallow test for me is a mirror about how we're choosing to live, how we're trusting ourselves, how we're reclaiming our flow of energy, our courage, our life force. [00:18:31] And so this is, yeah, not creating that habit of restraint or delayed action or suppressing a desire or overthinking those decisions. [00:18:44] And so it's really had me thinking about patterns of waiting and how I definitely felt an ancestral element here. [00:18:55] And so I recognize this in myself and I trace it back through that energy, like this subtle unconscious instruction that safety and reward are conditional. [00:19:09] Spiritually, we talk about, and in Vedic astrology, we talk about samskaras, which are, which means, it's a literal, the word actually means imprint. So it's the impression of a repeated thought, behavior and expectation that's carried in energy and our, in our subtle body. [00:19:32] And this samskara, it shapes our impulses, our habits, our. [00:19:39] And it can even shape our physical vitality. [00:19:44] And so when we habitually hold back, the prana, which is our life force, is restricted and the energy of courage and flow is dimmed. [00:19:59] And so when we think about this philosophically, the Gita reminds us that, that performing your duty without attachment to the outcome. [00:20:12] And so if we're holding back out of fear or expectation to an attached outcome and not aligned action, this is, yeah. Where we're holding back that, that life force. [00:20:31] And so for me, observing this pattern, this is part of transmuting this samskara, like reclaiming that spontaneity, reclaiming that joy and that presence. [00:20:46] And that's what this vision clearly showed me. Because if you've had a vision before, you can viscerally feel it in your body. [00:20:58] And seeing my husband take the marshmallow in that instance, I was like, oh, I wish I could do that. [00:21:08] Which is fascinating. Right? [00:21:11] And so this has taught me so much. [00:21:16] It's. Which, which yeah, is why I'm, you know, sharing and unraveling this with you in the hopes that it's more of an initiation. I. I want this to activate where perhaps you're waiting. [00:21:31] And it's really sneaky, this sims samskara because it's a deep groove that is sometimes, most of the times unconscious because it's a pattern in the subconscious, in a. Sorry, in our subtle body. [00:21:50] And so coming back to this spiritually, to me, the marshmallow, it represents joy, it represents instinct, it represents life force. [00:22:00] And so the child, AKA me, who waits is disciplined. [00:22:08] Yes. And discipline, as we know, is great and I have a lot of discipline, but there's always, there's a fine line between constrained. [00:22:23] So are you disciplined or constrained? [00:22:28] And this is where I start thinking about the child, AKA my husband, who reaches and embodies more of that satva in action, that purity, that clarity, that flow aligned with the universe. [00:22:44] And so, you know, even Ayurveda teaches us that every action affects our prana, the vital life force. And so like I mentioned, holding back is literally reducing this flow. And I'm not saying, because obviously we can take this to the extreme, I'm not saying to act on every single desire, impulse. That's not what I'm saying. It's obviously to have discernment around that. But I am talking about where there's that aligned action and it's, it's then that you want that energy to circulate freely. And I'm talking about sometimes when you hold back. And I was noticing, and this is a pattern, I was noticing this just, you know, when I was in like a conversation or in a mastermind or, you know, like I was, I was waiting to be the last person. [00:23:48] And I was like, this is so interesting. And this is why it has obviously been illuminated to come to the surface for me. [00:23:55] But coming more into the energy pattern, when we think about the shakti, which I've spoken about before, that dynamic energy and the shiva, which is the conscious awareness, I really think in this context the child who is reaching is embodying that shakti in service of that conscious, that purpose, that fully engaged with life. [00:24:23] And so if this is resonating for you, this is how we can rewrite our patterns because they're, they're, like I said, deep seated patterns. And obviously the first thing is awareness. Observing the moments of fear or habit that causes you to wait, just have that curiosity, where am I waiting? And then honoring that, like recognizing that waiting has taught discernment, patience, resilience, and then integration. So, you know, allowing joy and instinct to guide your action. [00:25:07] And you know, we can also do energetic alignment. So reconnecting you back to your electrical flow of the body. So meditation, your breath work. [00:25:24] Yeah, really tapping into those things. [00:25:27] And so reflecting on this deeper, I want you to ask yourself, where are you holding back creatively? [00:25:39] Relationships, career, self expression. [00:25:44] Because this delayed gratification is only virtuous when it is coming from a conscious choice and not a fear or a habit. [00:25:56] And so the Vedic texts tell us, as one acts, so one becomes. [00:26:04] And so choosing alignment even in our small daily acts, it's going to rewire our energy, it's going to strengthen our confidence, and it's going to deepen that connection to our prana, our life force. [00:26:22] And so then coming back to, you know, the child who reaches, I see it now in the lens of trusting the flow of Dharma, like life becomes an offering of this courage, of this presence, and of, of that joyful engagement as well. [00:26:45] And I think as a woman, I, I feel like this is even more deeply ingrained of waiting to read the room, waiting to see how you can best be of service, waiting to make sure everyone else is like happy before then you proceed to what you're doing. Like it's so deeply ingrained. [00:27:14] And so if you're waiting for every condition to be perfect, this is what I've been thinking about. [00:27:24] You might find yourself like this beautiful work that I've been immersed with lately, the writings of Sylvia Plath. She talks about the fig tree. And this is one of her most spoken about pieces of writing. And as I was navigating this, as reflecting on it, I came across this writing and I was like, this is exactly it. [00:27:55] And so in one of her journals, and a lot of her work is so, So complex, so deep. And I really resonate a lot of what she writes, but particularly with this journal. She wrote this metaphor about a fig tree. [00:28:22] And if you're not familiar with it, it's his fig tree with dozens of ripe figs. [00:28:29] And the figs represent different opportunities in life. [00:28:36] So a fig, that's career, I think that's relationship, passion, a dream, a project. [00:28:42] And so in this journal she talks about standing in front of. She imagines herself standing in front of the fig tree. [00:28:52] And she's paralyzed. [00:28:54] She's paralyzed by choice. [00:28:57] She's trying to choose which fig because she can only eat one fig. [00:29:04] And so she just stands there and just paralyzed by which fig to choose. [00:29:12] And what happens is the others begin to rot as she hesitates and they fall to the ground. [00:29:22] And this is exactly in my mind, I'm like, this is exactly like the marshmallow. [00:29:28] It's the waiting. [00:29:30] It's the waiting. And then what? [00:29:33] Missing the opportunity, missing that spark. [00:29:40] And so then this fig tree became this really powerful metaphor of this tendency to wait, to wait for that perfect moment, for clarity, for permission. [00:29:50] And in that waiting, our life possibilities decay. And each fig that we don't take is a lost opportunity. It's a vision that we've deferred, potential unrealized. And that's what I've been thinking about a lot. I've been thinking not about the big end goal. It's more to do with have I fully. And this is why I love Vedic astrology so much. Am I fully playing all out? Am I fully taking all these opportunities? [00:30:29] And I can see where so many things in my life and when I say things and you know, like our upbringing, you know, and our influences have created this constraint. [00:30:45] But the, the soul self is completely unrestrained in that way. And so there is this, like I've spoken about in this episode, it's this, yeah, this push pull of the life force. And that is where, yeah, the, that fatigue comes from, that soul fatigue. [00:31:09] And so, yeah, I just saw that so clearly in my life, you know, projects that I've delayed, visions that I've deferred and yeah, waiting for permission from the world, from others, from myself. [00:31:25] And yeah, it just makes me think about life's sweetness coming back to the fig, coming back to that marshmallow, like not waiting for that perfection. [00:31:38] So making that choice, will you take the ripe fig, knowing some will fall, knowing some may spoil, Will you grab the marshmallows of your desires now rather than sitting frozen in that hesitation or being the good girl or the people pleaser? [00:31:58] And so I'm really wanting to initiate this energy of leaping, like so, whether for you, that is the courage to start a podcast, to write the book, for me, to, to buy the horse. You know, coming up to the Chinese New Year, the, the year of the horse in February. [00:32:23] And again, not this impulsive recklessness, but this soul aligned action. And this is why, you know, we need to get in that meditation, listen to our desires, go beneath the why, why, why and understand why, but guided by our Dharma and having that, that faith in our capacity and trusting that the universe is going to meet us in our boldness. [00:32:51] And so for me, the lesson fig tree, the marshmallow is that. [00:33:02] Waiting feels safe. [00:33:06] Waiting feels safe. [00:33:08] But when I feel this in my body, leaping feels alive and coming back to that sweetness, that joy, that fulfillment, and it, it takes that courage. [00:33:24] And it's really interesting because I am a rule breaker. I am an absolute rebel rule breaker, not gonna do the status quo. [00:33:34] And it's just been such an interesting deep dive on where I'm not as free as I thought and where this constraining is taking place. [00:33:48] And so this is this lesson that I've learned and I've been, you know, navigating. I really wanted to share it with you. And so in this sense, what I'm trying to tell you, or you know, get across to you is in this metaphor, is that the figs, the marshmallow, that is the, the moments of potential, that invitation to leap, to embody your dharma, which I speak about a lot, to stop letting the waiting, you know, reflex rule our lives. So I just want you to be curious about, you know, where am, where am I waiting? Where am I hesitating? You know, actually, in many spiritual traditions, the fig tree going back to Sylvia's writing in her journal, the fig tree symbolizes abundance and wisdom and divine insight. And in Hinduism, the Bodhi tree, which is sacred, it's this tree that the Buddha attained enlightenment. And so the fig tree, the symbolism rich in this is. Is quite fascinating. When you deep dive into it, you know its potential. It's the, it's the fulfillment of our life's intentions. It's also fertility. It's, you know, each fig is this fruit of possibility, of, you know, that reminder of presence, but also, also timing. [00:35:27] And so spiritually standing before a fig tree is standing at the crossroads of choice. It's that discernment of what truly nourishes your soul. I also do want to say that the fig tree is also connected to that soul maturity and also divine timing because it grows, you know, slow and you know, it's fruit is, you know, that as we've discussed, that mirror of the journey of the self, like it's unfolding gradually, it's showing the potential and waiting. And like I mentioned, discipline, I don't see that as wrong. But waiting out of fear, out of doubt, or seeking that external validation, you know, rots the fruit before it's even tasted. So this is, yeah, trusting your intuition and the wisdom within. [00:36:26] And so I really would love you to sit with. [00:36:30] What would it feel like to live fully aligned, unapologetically apologetic, trusting your instinct, trusting your energy. [00:36:41] And what I'm going to say for you and myself is the child who waits has served you in wisdom, in discipline, in awareness, but the child who reaches embodies liberation, flow and alignment with sole purpose. [00:37:03] So I really want this to be an initiation for you to reclaim your prana, that life force, embody your shakti energy and step into life with courage, with joy, with presence. [00:37:19] And this is Dharma in action. [00:37:23] And this is the life that you were meant to claim. [00:37:28] So please sit with that. I would love to know how this landed for you. If you can see areas of your life that you have been waiting, I would love for you to share with me. And as always, I am sending you lots of love and I will speak to you very soon. [00:37:50] Thanks for tuning in to Star Being. May the wisdom shared resonate in your soul. Until next time, stay connected and keep reaching for the stars. This is Star Being signing off.